FAT, FATTER TO FITTEST

TOWEL ME INNOCENT 

Hello my lovelies, I hope you're all geared up for the weekend, I know I am! So today's writing was triggered by a towel, yes a bath towel. Allow me to take you back to the days when a bath towel for me was only good for drying my hair because surely there wasn't much of a towel to go around my whole body once I tried. It was unfair of me to think that bath towel manufacturers did not consider heavier ended users, just like airlines but to be FAIR, the circumference I had on me wasn't deemed normal. 

So today, I looked at myself in the mirror and remembered a story that was quite a defining moment in my life at the time, and had the towel fit me then, I would've been found GUILTY. Oh rumours, we've all heard such colourful rumours about ourselves and I must say this one was far fetched and if anything humiliating. Let's just say this rumour had me looking like I was in some Baywatch advert 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂. 

So the story went like this, "so we heard you were at so and so's house and so and so had walked in and saw you wrapped in a towel after coming out of the pool and you went and sat on so and so's laps as you embraced him". I was like WHAT? WHERE? WHEN? HOW? Mind you at that particular time I was weighing a cool 140kg yes 140!!!....so simple science suggests and proves that getting out of the pool would've been a spectacle because of the weight training opportunity it would've presented plus also please tell me which towel had the AUDACITY to wrap around me fully? and who was this man that had knees stronger than THOR and was still not recognised as a SUPER HERO that we could also use to fight corruption in Kenya...(I just had to slide that in)...this was a situation that purely defined the saying "VITU KWA GROUND NI DIFFERENT" meaning "THINGS ON THE GROUND ARE VERY DIFFERENT"...so to prove my innocence we simply brought the towel in question as exhibit 1 and we attempted to wrap my body and obviously the towel only covered half my circumference, we also tried to reenact the scene of my alleged sitting on the poor mans laps as exhibit 2 and let's just say I didn't have insurance for that type of injury so in short I was cleared of all colourful rumour charges. Had it been today, man it would've been hard to prove otherwise.

I remember telling my best friend, surely these rumour mongers don't have heavy friendly rumours to come up with, like ohh she sat on a chair at so and so's house and broke it (because that surely did happen), ohh she sat on so and so's bed and broke it (ding, ding, ding, we have a winner there because I surely broke my bed many times and my parents bed and my friends' beds, I was like the bed cracker...see what I did there 😂😂😂😂, that should've been my superpower, with one sit she cracks and splits mahogany with the strongest behind 😂😂😂😂). Man they could've just put in a little bit of effort and they would've had me.

The people involved in that busting of a mythology court hearing are probably going to read this and hit me up!!! For me as the accused, it was far fetched for the ones believing it I'm sure they still believe in world peace, the tooth fairy and unicorns. One thing I learned to do very well when I was heavier, was to laugh at myself and laugh hard, even when I was on the ground surrounded by the many beds and chairs I had broken, I learned to laugh with my heart, because it's either you laugh at yourself or they laugh at you, so I BEAT them to it. So today as I actually wrap a towel around me fully, I still laugh at myself for all those years I was unable to do so. Have a lovely weekend, treat your towel right because you never know when you will need it as a WITNESS 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂.